This beautiful photo of us the morning of Nick’s surgery is by Daniella Zalcman.

I’m writing to you from the waiting room of the hospital.

Don’t worry, everything is ok; everything is great, in fact. My beloved husband Nick is getting chest reconstruction journey, which is a long-awaited milestone in his journey. No matter what, though, surgery is always kind of scary…even a tad terrifying.

[UPDATE: He’s recovering beautifully!!!! Thank you for all the love!!!]

I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, but this has been a ROUGH week for transgender people and those of us who love them.

The day I saw the news, I was giving the closing keynote at The Superwoman Summit. I wanted to just crawl back in bed, but instead I gave my talk and poured my real raw heart into it. I came back from my Portland trip a day early and held my beloveds. The next day we dove back into shooting the documentary we’re working on. Today we got up at 3:45 am to be at the hospital. I’m tired, dearhearts, like so many of you are tired, but I’m also focused. When life gets really intense, sometimes it shows us with ruthless clarity what is truly important. Tht’s when we get to choose who we’re going to be, and I choose EFBA. I know that for so many of you reading this, right now life is calling so many of you to be bigger and braver than you thought you could be too, and I’m cheering you on. You’ve got this.

I simply don’t have in it in me this week to write you a fresh new story, but I want to say a few things.

1. THANK YOU to every single one of you who has spoken out publicly on behalf of the rights of transgender and nonbinary people. If you think that your words don’t matter or you’re worried about saying the wrong thing, please speak up anyway: silence speaks just as loudly.

2. When you’ve just been kicked in the teeth, it’s really hard to speak up for yourself: that’s why it’s so important that we speak up for each other. If we take turns advocating for each other when it’s not our teeth getting kicked, we all get taken care of.

3. I’m sharing regularly over on Instagram; come follow our story over there?!

4. If you want something helpful to read, here are some of my older posts that are relevant right now:

Start With Whatever Is Right In Front Of You

True Kindness Is Really Effing Fierce

The Frustrating Way We Change The World

Comforting Rituals For Hard Times

From Scaredy Cat To EFBA

Sending you love this week and reminding you of something very important: you’re a fucking cathedral. Don’t forget. 

much love,


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