The Future is #FeministAF

Writing & Coaching for highly ambitious + secretly tender women

Weekly Missives

A weekly story to make you strong, fierce, tender. They’ll make you laugh, maybe cry, and get you moving. In your inbox every Saturday morning.

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About Katherine

I’m an expert at empowering women to be the fiercest, bravest, truest versions of themselves.

I’ve helped them navigate promotions, negotiations, legal drama, dream jobs, nightmare jobs, book deals, sickness, divorce, parenting, betrayal, PR whirlwinds, and just plain messy beautiful life.

I believe that life is complicated for all of us, but we can make it gorgeous anyway.

I’m a queer feminist, mother of five, and heathen mystic.

If you’re too smart for most of the self-help aisle but you’re also what Anne Shirley would call a “kindred spirit,” you’re in the right place.

If you want a beautiful life, you have to be fierce about it.

From the Blog

Is your apology energy sabotaging you?

Is your apology energy sabotaging you?

Have you ever made a perfectly reasonable request— for a raise, or for help with a project— and been met by a ridiculous, blustery, over-the-top negative response? Did it go so badly, in fact, that you felt stupid and wrong for having dared to ask in the first place?

Now, maybe the person you were talking to was just a certifiable jerk.

Totally possible.

But— and I say this with love— it might have been your apology energy.

I know you’ve heard this before, but while our words are important, much of the communication that happens between humans is actually nonverbal.

Our posture, our tone of voice, the clothes we wear, the way we stand or sit, our eye contact, even our heart rate— these are powerfully communicating all sorts of things to the people around us.

Many people (but especially women) are shocked to learn that they’re accidentally communicating something that’s costing them: costing them raises, promotions, credibility, and support.

What are they communicating? 

A nonverbal apology. 

In fact, they’re broadcasting, “I’m so sorry!!! For everything!! Please don’t be mad at me!!” so loudly that it drowns out their actual words.

Apology energy is when we ask for something or declare something, but because we are inwardly conflicted, we project a nonverbal apology along with it. It sounds like this:

“So, um, I thought I’d maybe try to take a little time for myself? Just, like, half an hour? If it’s okay with you? Do you mind?”

When we do this, our voice, body language, and whole demeanor telegraph (much more loudly than the words we use): “I AM DOING SOMETHING WRONG! I BET YOU’RE MAD AT ME FOR WANTING SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE AND SELFISH! I AM SO BAD! YOU SHOULD BE APPALLED AND HORRIFIED!”

If you’re getting a lot of pushback from people around you, check your apology energy. (Then check to see if they’re jerks, or toddlers.)

read more…

About Me

Hey there, I'm Katherine.

I've got five kids, I'm a queer feminist, and I just might be the only life coach in the world who doesn’t believe in the Law of Attraction.

I write things for women with big, gorgeous, COMPLICATED lives.

I help women become epic fucking badasses... but I still retain my right to cry at every diaper commercial ever made.

You are not made for the swamp

You are not made for the swamp

"I'm in this swamp," she said. "And I keep slogging along, but it just keeps getting stickier and muddier." Oh, yes, I thought. I know this place. I know it well. You know how sometimes you hit a perfect storm? You've been hopeful and brave and you set out to do...

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What if your yearnings are embarrassing?

What if your yearnings are embarrassing?

Last week we talked about our yearnings, and I made the fairly scandalous declaration that your YEARNINGS are pointing you toward your own magic. This makes sense, surely, if you long for things like justice, freedom, clean water, and worldwide healing. If you yearn...

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Your own magic

Your own magic

This time of year always makes me think about magic. Your own magic. I don't use that word lightly; I'm talking about the powerful force inside you that you might call "energy," or "qi," or "unique gifts," or "life force." But also just straight up mystical mysterious...

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The gorgeous mess in me honors the gorgeous mess in you

The gorgeous mess in me honors the gorgeous mess in you

I get the most wonderful things in my email inbox from you loves. (Even though I'm appallingly slow to respond sometimes; I do read and appreciate them all!) This week we're talking about how life is messy, and that's ok-- we can make it a gorgeous mess. Last week I...

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Let’s talk about the rest of this year

Let’s talk about the rest of this year

Can you believe we're into the final months of the rest of this year AND this decade?!?!? It's been a wild couple of weeks here, during a wild season in a wild year....ok, in a wild lifetime. Is there any other kind? ppst--New here? Catch up here and here!  While...

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Big swells call for big compassion

Big swells call for big compassion

Where do I start? So much has happened. Like so many of you, we're navigating big changes. If you're new here (hi!!!), here's a little background. Five years ago, I was a happy solo mom of one kid living in Portland, Oregon, when I unexpectedly fell in love with...

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Our film premiere and doing scary things

Our film premiere and doing scary things

Whoah friends. This has been a WEEK. I got back late in the evening from my magical horse whispering trip and went straight from the airport to a fancy dinner with a bunch of actual film directors. Not only did I have major impostor syndrome, but someone had spilled a...

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Horse magic

Horse magic

I’m writing you a little bit high on horse magic. I'm in California with a beautiful client and we just wrapped up two days of absolute bliss-- complete with horses, sunburn, dust, flies, and a reminder that the world is more magical and mysterious that most people...

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The uncomfortable in-between times

The uncomfortable in-between times

Ahhhh, the squirmy discomfort of those awkward in-between times. I'm right there, friends, because it's been quite a week. We shared the trailer for our documentary with the world a few days ago, and it's such a strange feeling-- so intimate and yet so public. This...

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WEEKLY MISSIVES

WEEKLY MISSIVES

A weekly story from Katherine to make you strong, fierce, tender. They’ll make you laugh, maybe cry, and get you moving. In your inbox every Saturday morning.

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