From scaredycat to EFBA

I toss around the acronym “EFBA” quite a bit here.

It stands for “epic fucking badass.”

My clients are EFBAs. I bet you are too.

And I am going to level with you– so am I.

People sometimes think it’s cocky or arrogant that I walk around calling myself an epic fucking badass.  But that phrase came out of a time in my life when I felt like anything BUT an EFBA.  What I felt like was a total epic fucking loser SCAREDYCAT. (The truth is, I’m scared of countless things, even now. The dark, ghosts, bugs, calling the insurance company, and school receptionists. But this wasn’t run-of-the-mill-wussery. This was me scared of big scary things that were going down in my life that, if I could tell you about them, would probably have scared the pants off you too, even if you are ridiculously brave and you NEVER bolt panicked down dark hallways to flip on the light. Like I do.)

Things were looking grim for me at that particular juncture. I was dealing with an impossible situation that was bleeding me dry financially AND breaking my heart. Someone I trusted turned on me viciously. I was getting pummeled from every direction, and I felt weak and pitiful and like curling up in a ball. I really, really wanted to give up.

However, I had this child to feed, so that really wasn’t an option.

So I made a commitment to myself that I would keep going no matter what.  That I would step up and be the person who was required to handle my life.

My life, at that particular point in time, required nothing less than a truly heroic epic fucking badass.

So that’s what I decided to become.

And that moment of decision changed everything for me. 

Do I always walk around feeling strong and triumphant?

Um, no.

Like the other day when I charred the grilled cheese and my daughter looked at me with utter disappointment and resignation and said, “It’s fine, mom.  I’ll just eat it.”

Or the other day when I had a hard conversation with someone who was really angry and really hurt by something I said.

Or any of the 500 times a day when life feels too irritating, frustrating, overwhelming, and sticky and goddamn disgusting to handle.

It doesn’t matter.  I’ve already decided that I will be an epic fucking badass, which I define as:

1. Telling the truth, and

2. Refusing to give up.

And so that’s what I do.  I tell the truth about what is going on, and then I take another step.

Both of those components are crucial to the equation.  You have to tell the truth about what is really happening, even if the truth comes out in a wail of despair or grief or fury.

But you look at that truth with compassion, and you move forward toward what you want.

You don’t sugarcoat, but you don’t wallow either. 

That’s the way of the EFBA.  It’s just how we DO.

Tell the truth, and don’t quit. That’s it. That’s all you have to do, and you just keep doing it.

But make no mistake.

EFBAs aren’t born.

They become. 

You’ve got this.

Ready, set, epicfuckingbadass.
much love,
Liked it? Take a second to support Katherine on Patreon!

Hey there, I'm Katherine.

 I’ve got five kids, I’m a queer feminist, and I just might be the only life coach in the world who doesn’t believe in the Law of Attraction.

I write things for women with big, gorgeous, COMPLICATED lives.

I help women become epic fucking badasses… but I still retain my right to cry at every diaper commercial ever made.


Should I stay or should I go? How to make the big decisions

Should I stay or should I go? How to make the big decisions

That's me doing SO MUCH YOGA in Hawaii! I'm trying to keep going even now that I'm home; it's one of the gentle shifts I'm incorporating, a la today's missive on big decisions (read on!). We all face those moments when we have to make BIG decisions. Do I take this...

read more
I waited MONTHS for this

I waited MONTHS for this

You will not believe where I am writing you from. There’s a ceiling fan whirring, I’m lying on an antique mahogany sleigh bed, and outside my window I can see blue sky, deep green, and tall palm trees. It seems unfathomable, but I am in Hawaii. The Big Island, in...

read more
The best tradition for our blended family

The best tradition for our blended family

When I fell in love and moved to Canada a few years ago, my new husband Nick and I joined our families to create the big beautiful blended family we have right now. The joy is bigger, and the challenges are bigger too-- and those challenges turn up with extra...

read more


A weekly story from Katherine to make you strong, fierce, tender. They’ll make you laugh, maybe cry, and get you moving. In your inbox every Saturday morning.

Success! In a few minutes, you'll find a confirmation email in your inbox. Make sure you click the button to complete your signup!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This