OH mah gah. 

Eight sleeps til we move!

As you can imagine, things are a little nuts around here.

Which is why it’s a good time to get back to basics.

No matter how much crazytown is afoot, some things in my little queendom are non-negotiable.

You have to be ruthless about certain things if you want to have a soft, beautiful life. 

This is a strange paradox, and a fascinating one.  I can’t wait to hear your take on this.  This is why I have flowers on my table but my rallying cry is Epic Fucking Badass.  Some people think I’m all sweet and fluffy, but my coaching can be as tough as nails.  I like elegant clothes and raw conversations.  We each walk this dance of tenderness and power in our own way. Some of my dance steps are kind of prosaic, but they yield great beauty.

Daily non-negotiables: 

Doing the dishes each night before bed

Making the bed each morning

Declaring a top priority for EACH day (even if it’s a Sat and my priority is to laze like a lazy lazybones)

Each weekday, printing out a daily compass (on good days I add stickers, but even crazy days get a compass– no idea what I’m talking about? It’s just a fancy system for setting priorities, see above)

The ‘beauty spots’ in my home stay uncluttered, with fresh flowers, even as piles of boxes rise along the walls

I budget! I track my purchases in YNAB (for my business, I have someone help me)

I don’t do sitters on school nights

I try to dress well as often as I can, but my non-negotiable bare minimum is perfume and earrings, every damn day

I sleep; a lot; even if it means I have to bust my ass the next day

Saturday and Sunday mornings are reserved for the sacred acts of loafing, faffing, and sleeping in

Bigger non-negotiables:

Life is too short to wear ugly shoes

I will never own a waffle iron or wire hangers

I pay more for good design

I will never change my name again

No hate speech, no hitting

I have to meet you and your partner before my kid can go to your house

If your God thinks I’m going to hell, buh-bye

And most importantly,

No one will ever use a flat iron on my hair again.

What about you? 

Your list might look very different (you might be scandalized to notice that exercise isn’t one of my non-negotiables), but it’s illuminating and strengthening to get clear on what’s utterly essential in your own life.  My list will keep evolving– I can see that those weekend mornings are highly endangered as my daughter gets older– but it’s sort of like having a trusted butler to refer to.

Wait, Carson, do we do that?

No, ma’am, we simply do not.


Negotiate your salary.  Negotiate your fees.  Negotiate your title.

But don’t negotiate your integrity, your heart, or your footwear.

much love, 

P.S.  We’re getting mystical around here– the most amaaaaazing kindred spirits are signing up for Practical Magic for Secret Mystics, and you can still join us through Tuesday at 5pm– all details here.

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