I got to meet a bunch of you in person!
So many beloveds were in town this weekend for the World Domination Summit, and we took over the lobby of The Nines hotel, drank champagne, and did a lot of hugging. It was amazing, and I hope you’re there with us next July.
A funny thing happened at that meetup– I got BUSTED.
There was so much going on this weekend– logistics, childcare, carpool, texts, speakers, tears, emotions running high– that I swooped into this much-anticipated meetup the first day with all my engines revving high. I was so excited to see everyone. I was so excited to be wearing heels. I was so excited to be out on the town with no child in tow!
But I couldn’t settle down. I was a wee bit anxious. I was wondering if everyone was having a good time. I was wondering if they had poured me the correct champagne. I was wondering how hard it would be to get a taxi home. I was wondering how bad my karma would be for taking a taxi instead of public transportation.
Also I was trying to remember everyone’s name, and I was agitatedly and ineffectively trying to manage people’s logistics, and my phone kept dinging with urgent questions about my daughter’s carpool, and! and! and!—
and one of the wise and savvy women there, Laurie, said with a sly wink in her eye,
“Didn’t you write a blog post just today about being in the present moment?”
There was a second of intense silence in my brain.
Ha! Why yes I DID! BUSTED!!!!!!
So if you ever wonder if I float through life all zen and shit, let me assure you, that is not the case.
This moment cracked me up, because it perfectly highlighted my main struggle in this world. When I am home alone, and there are flowers on my table, and the birds are singing, and I have money in the bank, it is pretty easy to meditate. To be in the present moment. To think compassionate and loving thoughts.
It is SO MUCH HARDER when life is messy and busy and overwhelming.
In other words, when life is being… you know, LIFE.
We’re always juggling water balloons when it comes to our lives, and sometimes we get wet.
Sometimes it turns out the balloons have paint in them, or worse things. Sometimes you can’t be in the present moment because you’re worried that your daughter is going to be standing in a parking lot wondering where her ride is. Sometimes you can’t concentrate on the amazing speaker because you really have to pee. Sometimes you accidentally say something so stupid that you want to swallow your own head.
Naturally, these are all hypothetical examples.
About a week before this year’s World Domination Summit, I had decided that I definitely wouldn’t sign up for it again. I was in my EVERYTHINGISSOHARD mode. My babysitters are going on vacation and EVERYTHINGISHARD. I am a single mother and so EVERYTHINGISHARD. I have a small apartment and it makes EVEYRTHINGSOHARD. I am porous and sensitive and there would be 2,500 exuberant people all talking at once and therefore EVERYTHINGISHARD.
And so, I’d decided very logically, I would still go this year, but not next year. Nah, definitely not in 2015.
Ten minutes into the first speaker, I had tears pouring down my face.
My heart bloomed. I wanted to buy next year’s ticket that very minute. (I had to wait 24 hours, but it’s safely purchased. See you there.)
Oh yeah! I forgot! THAT’s why I keep signing up each year. Because it waters a place in me that gets parched. Because it connects me to the wild wide world in a way that makes me bigger and stronger and more compassionate. Because it is so goddamn INTERESTING.
I ruined my mascara that day. The next day I ruined my shoes, and my favorite shirt, and I think you should know that my blonde highlights are still stubbornly green, because at the Bollywood after party when they threw holi colors into the wildly gyrating crowd, I was right there in the thick of it.
I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. (Yes, even though it made me choke and you don’t even want to KNOW what came out of my nose when I blew it.)
This weekend reminded me to go for the joy. Even when it’s messy. Even when it breaks your heart open. Even if you do it badly. Even if you’re anxious and harried. Even if you feel sheepish and embarrassed. Even if you stick your foot in your mouth and no one flirts with you and there were so many more conversations you meant to have and you come home to a huge pile of laundry and there are ants all over your house–
you know what? even then?
It will be worth it.